THE RAVIN' RAVEN With Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe and Anthony Comstock

Once upon a midnight dreary, 
As I pondered weak and weary 
O'er an empty quart of bootleg and was wishing 
there were more, 
Suddenly there came a tapping, 
Sounding like some female rapping. 
Rapping like the very devil 
Just without my chamber door; 
'Tis some Broad, thought I, who's wishin' 
To my room to gain admission; 
Well, I'll rise and let her enter, 
Even though she prove a bore — 
Only that and nothing more. 
Then I opened wide the portal 
And there at stood such a mortal, 
As in all my wildest fancies I had never seen before; 
She had lost her outer garments, 
And of all the vampin' varmits, 
She was sure the hottest baby that a woman ever bore; 
And her palpitating hinder 
Made me want to wear a blinder, 
And my spirits rose within me 
As I opened wide the door — 
Yes — my spirits rose within me — 
As they rise now nevermore 1 
Ah, how well do I remember, 
'Twas the thirteenth of December — 
"Twas the fourteenth when she left me — 
And I've seen her nevermore.

Hot Dog: Regular Fellows Monthly, Nov. 1921