I have come to the realization that love is nothing more than actions and expectations. Actions are the giving side of love and expectations are the receiving end of love. Since we are all wired different and are unique individuals, these two things differ for every person. Our love of course differs according to who we are giving it to. Friend, parent, siblings, children, spouse, all different types and intensities of love.
The Greeks considered there to be at least seven different types of love, depending on the circumstances: Eros (Romantic, Passionate Love), Philia (Affectionate, Friendly Love), Storge (Unconditional, Familial Love), Agape (Selfless, Universal Love), Ludus (Playful, Flirtatious Love), Pragma (Committed, Long-Lasting Love) and Philautia (Self Love).
Eros love is the physical love that sexual partners share.
Philia love is the love shared by close friends.
Storge is the love of parents or children.
Agape is the love of good will.
Ludus is the love for those we first meet.
Pragma is the love for those things we experience in the long haul.
Philautia is the love we have for ourselves.
So why don’t we find happiness in life? We live in expectations of love that are unreal. We expect a certain kind of love with certain defined actions in order to feel loved. But the one giving the love may deliver their love in a different way or even deliver a different type of love. In the end our expectations are not met and we feel unloved.
I have never been one that would speak love as much as show it by actions. I was taught to always ‘do the right thing’, which means I spend a lot of time evaluating situations and then springing into action and providing actions to make others more comfortable or happier.
Should people change their actions or expectations to suit another? Should you increase your actions to satisfy my expectations? Should I lower my expectations to be more acceptable to your actions? Is it fair to expect change like that from another? Isn’t true love a 50/50 experience? Give 50% of the time and receive 50% of the time?
So, if you truly loved me or for that matter I you, should not our love evolve to the other one’s expectations and actions?